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Spider Facts

October 23, 2013

Hello. Today I am going to tell you some facts about spiders:

The average spider eats a dozen people each year in its sleep.

Spiders have 14 legs, but they are very good at hiding 6 of them.

Spiderman had to eat 3,950 spiders before they finally surrendered and gave him superpowers.

The spider caught the fly, the frog, the cat, the dog, the cow and the horse but still died because old ladies be wack.

Spiders were supposed to be the size of a car, but God had to back off because all the dinosaurs were getting freaked out.

Spiders have a symbiotic relationship with frogs, who metamorphose the spiders into their ghost-spider form.

Ghost-spiders are not more scared of you than you are of them.

Spiders are the world’s smallest mammals, but all scientists are arachnophobes and won’t acknowledge this fact.

Diamonds are made from spider-silk, but the De Beers will kill you if you tell anyone.

All of Picasso’s best works were actually painted by spiders.

Spider silk is a chain of baby spiders holding hands.

Some spiders are vampires and turn into bats by sucking your blood.

Only one dragon-Spider is born every 10,000 years, and the Great Cleansing is almost upon us.

Spiders are white on the inside like an Oreo.

Witch’s nose is an essential ingredient in all spider cough syrups.

Spiders find “arachnid” a terribly racist name but still say it to each other as a term of endearment.

Most spiders love golf.

All spiders are terrible at golf.

Look: the moon is full, and you are becoming Spider. Can you feel the extra legs growing? Can feel silk churning in your gut? Hello Spider.

All hail dragon-Spider. May his flames consume all.

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