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Oh, Spotify

December 8, 2011

Because it is finals week, you get two crappy posts from me in a row. Deal with it. When starting this blog, I specifically negotiated a finals week exemption from posting into my contract, so it’s only from the generosity overflowing in my hear that you got these posts at all.

I present to you: my sometimes rocky relationship with Spotify thus far presented in the form of an illustrative fictitious dialog.

Me: Oh hey, that music thing from Europe is finally available in the US. Let’s go check it out.

Spotify: Hi! We’re glad you’re interested. Please sit through this long, boring flash animation that refuses to load correctly until you’ve refreshed a minimum of six times just so we can tell you that you’ll have to wait a month before being able to use Spotify.

Me: Screw that. I’m going back to Grooveshark and Pandora.

Spotify (6 weeks later in an email): Please won’t you take me back? Look at my sexy user interface. Look at the high quality in which my songs stream. I should never have pushed you away.

Me: Oh, alright.

Spotify: Now try guessing your username and password. Mwahahaha.

Me: -.-

(Much later)

Me: Okay, now that we’ve gotten that sorted out, let’s play some music. So you can play anything you say? Hmm. How about playing me something from “The Lion King.”

Spotify: ♫ “Can you feel the love tonight…” ♫

Me: Ah… That’s nice. Let’s get started on this homework.

Spotify (3 minutes later): *silence*

Me: Well, aren’t you going to continue?

Spotify: No, I need you to select each individual song I play. There may be ways to get me to play more than one song in a row, but you probably won’t discover them for several months.

Me: Well that kind of makes you a nearly worthless piece of junk.

Spotify: But I’ll be nice and play this album for you even though you will still have no idea how you got me to play an album.

Spotify: ♫ “A mirror is so much harder to hold…” ♫

Me: Well this is good. Let’s get back to that homework. Wait a second. Don’t I own that album on CD, and couldn’t I be playing it through my boombox rather than through the crappy computer speakers?

Spotify: … Maybe…

Me: I’m ignoring you. You are worthless.

Me: Hey, I want to listen to the Beatles, but I don’t own very much of their music.

Spotify: Come back to me, my love.

Me: … Okay, play me some of the Beatles’ songs.

Spotify: As long as you mean songs by “The Beatles Tribute Band” I can do that.

Me: No, of course that’s not what I mean.

Spotify: …

Me: Okay, fine, just play me the music that I will be buying soon but haven’t purchased, yet; that seems to be all that you’re good for.


For the record, Spotify is very good at fulfilling that last purpose.

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