Don’t Fix My Smile
As previously stated, my brother helped me decide that Generator ^ Second Floor was one of my favorite songs. Now I will attempt to explain why, using lyrics from the chorus.
“We will put this flesh into the ground again.” I promise I’m not super morbid. But yes, my favorite song is kind of about funerals. It’s about discovering the inevitable fate of man and accepting it. Not in the Eeyore manner. Not in the manner that precedes nihilism. But accepting it as far as rejoicing in it and realizing that the shortness or longness or mediumness of our allotted time on Earth is perfect.
“Life is long enough.” So at my funeral, don’t be sad. Please don’t waste a perfectly good Sunday when you could be out adventuring and romping over God’s fresh Earth on frowning my empty body into the dirt. My death is God-ordained. In fact, every negative aspect of my life is specially designed to bring my heart closer to the God who created me, so what could possibly be sad? Don’t worry, you’re still allowed to cry.
“Don’t fix my smile.” When I’m sad in this life, don’t always try to fix me. Just let me be honest and cry it out. You don’t need to get out your toolkit and start hammering away every time something is wrong, all I need is a hug and if I’m crying those particular tears that involve me snotting everywhere, don’t be too grossed out, kay?
So that’s what the song means. But there’s more for me, because if there wasn’t more than the initial layer, how could I call it my favorite? The song captures my need for unattractive honesty. Like a friend on a bad day not feeling the need to say anything, and just being there. Like the closeness that comes when you can just read a book with someone without speaking. When you stop trying to fix me, and let all my imperfections not scare you away. My smile is crooked. My nightmares end in you running screaming for the hills, so if you can stick around and stop trying to fix me, if I trust that I can be unattractively honest with you, that’s when life is long enough and I don’t mind putting my flesh into the ground again because I’ve experienced everything I hoped for.
And let’s be honest, if you use vocabulary words like cadaverous, you make the world a better place.